At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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