I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
