in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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