Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
