It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
