Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
