i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize