2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
