Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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