Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
