Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
