Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
