so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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