God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
