My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
