Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
