R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
