Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
