Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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