Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
