The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can't turn off my feet"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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