once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
