my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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