After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need moral support for this bender
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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