trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
