I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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