You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
