I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
