he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
