I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
