this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
