I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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