I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
