It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize