I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
