Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
