I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The feeling are messing with the penis
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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