it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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