I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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