I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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