There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
