He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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