goodnight i made you a song goodbye
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
