Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
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