i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
