I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just gift wrapped bread.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
