This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
