It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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