his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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