The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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