Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
