she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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