I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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