Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
