maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
