Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
