There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
