How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
