worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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