Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
