I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
