Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
