No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
