Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
