before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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