I hope mine doesn't look like that
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
