i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
