am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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