Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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