But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
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Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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