Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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