My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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