I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I deserve this hangover.
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