I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
