I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
