Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
