I wish I could teleport
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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