p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He passed out mid-signature
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
