You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
