If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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